Dec 13, 2020When I Didn’t Find Myself in ThailandFive years later, I’ve finally found some perspective. — Five years ago I flew from Phuket to Bangkok, wrapping up a month of solo travel in Thailand. I set out on that adventure to spend time with myself and to force some deep reflection — to break away from the stresses and uncertainties at home. To figure out what…4 min read4 min read
Apr 29, 2019“I don’t like these memes…”I don’t like these memes. They strike my ears hard and threaten tinnitus. But I can’t run from this one… I’m sure I read it when I was still ringing and shaking from that violent heartbreak. I’m sure it circled back and, again, it was too loud to ingest. So…Life Lessons2 min readLife Lessons2 min read
Mar 31, 2019Member-onlySobriety Didn’t Make Me A Better Person, But Now I Try HarderIt gave me the chance to really see how I was failing. And it’s giving me the chance to strive to become a better person. Getting sober was the hardest thing I’ve done to date. Not just because my body had grown physically dependent on the stuff. Not just because…Addiction7 min readAddiction7 min read
Mar 31, 2019Barkeep: A Love StoryFor those who don’t know if there can be smoke with no fire. The bar was small and noticeably unpretentious. Nothing about the place was inviting: the beige particleboard furniture, the cheap casino carpeting, the generic one-coat paint job on the walls — it was as if the place had…Addiction14 min readAddiction14 min read
Mar 30, 2019Sober & Godless, Yet Still OKWhat if I don’t ascribe to “the god of your understanding” or spirituality demanded by AA? Getting sober engenders existential angst almost as surely as drinking leads to hangovers. While detox was marked mostly by patients waking to clearer minds, rehab saw many waking to religious and spiritual literacy. And…Spirituality6 min readSpirituality6 min read
Mar 30, 2019Sex After Getting Sober is A Lot to NavigatePursuing sober sex for the first time after rehab, and figuring out how to feel comfortable and enjoy it. Recovery from substance abuse is devastatingly personal. Its branches curl and tangle in all facets of our lives, leaving few nooks untouched. While much can be said about the benefits of…Health5 min readHealth5 min read
Mar 30, 2019Sober, Stuck, and Rediscovering What It’s Like to Feel PowerfulHow feeling stuck helped turned me into an alcoholic, and how I realized it was happening again while living in a sober house. One of the most important things I learned in rehab is that when I get complacent or feel stuck, I can drink a whole lot of vodka…Addiction6 min readAddiction6 min read
Mar 30, 2019How Annoying Cliches and Sayings Helped Get Me Through RehabRehab and recovery from alcoholism is riddled with cliches and sayings. Here’s what I think of them. I knew something changed when all the cliches started ringing true. Life in active addiction saw me stumble through the world a bitter, cynical heathen rolling his eyes over a glass of scotch…Addiction5 min readAddiction5 min read
Mar 30, 2019BuzzkillOn figuring out how to be a sober person after going to rehab for alcoholism. “I don’t drink.” The words stick to my molars like toffee. I know it’s good, but it’s still uncomfortable. I would have thought four months of sobriety would make it more palatable. But it’s not. My memory of the year leading up to my admittance to detox and rehab is…Addiction6 min readAddiction6 min read
